Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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