she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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