he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Less talking, more tequila
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
