Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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