I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
