i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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