i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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