theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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