My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
