Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
