Non-Jews are for practice
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
