Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
