It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
