tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
its not stalking. its research.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
