Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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