I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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