Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
