I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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