Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize