i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
