I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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