..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
