I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
