Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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