Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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