I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
