That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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