Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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