I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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