my vag is so smooth its legendary
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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