I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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