i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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