I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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