i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
