You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
