Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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