Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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