So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
