Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
