This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
