Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
