so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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