I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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