She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
