Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
its liver damage thursday
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
