well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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