I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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