Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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