Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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