oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
