I bet he comes in French.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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