You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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