Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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