I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
