The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
