There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
