bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
