he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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