have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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