Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
