So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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