And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
