So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
