I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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