I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
