I am spending my child support on dildos
and she was petting her beer can
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
