That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
