There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
