Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he puts the penis in happiness.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
