someone get that fucking seahorse.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
