I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
