How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
