OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
