So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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