Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
third nipple confirmed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
