and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
