guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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