She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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