You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
