New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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