I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize