I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
