Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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