It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
