i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
