Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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