I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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