At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize