Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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