I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
