Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
two words: eviction party
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
