btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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