Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I looked at my own cervix.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
