It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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