I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Randomize
