the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
