Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
