Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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