so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
