it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
