I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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