im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
