If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
